"You can’t change them, you can only change you." I made this up somewhere in the last seven or so months. Honestly, a lot of things have changed since my last post in March 2017. The very next month, I met someone, fell truly and deeply in love and into a marriage that has not gone as planned. During our happy times we created the most perfect child, but somewhere along the last five years I've lost a lot of who I was before I was with someone. Now that we’re in the uncoupling stage and I have my daughter only half of my life, I find myself alone more than I ever wanted to be again. But I read in a book somewhere "if you’re not moving, you’re drowning." Luckily, I'm an incredible swimmer.
I've finally gotten back to not only my pre-pregnanacy weight but my pre-relationship weight. To some who are surprised to see the transformation, I've joked that it’s the "Divorce Diet“, a unique blend of stress eating everything and not being able to eating anything. A diet I truly would not wish on anyone. In combination, I’ve been pouring myself into boot camp as a way to fill the time and have gotten happily quite fit. This all sounds a little like self-pity but moving on means processing the past and pushing forward, right?
So why not push myself the way I used to? Why not go to the restaurants I’ve never been or to return to the things I've loved in the past? Since this has all gone down, I've driven myself to revisit Montreal on my own again to make new memories. I visited old favorites haunts (Boulangerie Pain dans les Voiles and L'Express) and found some new favorite outfits in local thrift stores . I rode the Metro from top to bottom and relished in the fresh air coming in through the windows, the fun of standing on a moving train and the joy of people-watching. Anywhere you go, that's entertaining. It was tough to be there alone again at times, but I brought back a new life partner: a striking tattoo in honor of my daughter, family and travels.
Or why not return to a sport I haven’t touched in 5+ years. The idea was executed when I signed up for the Beach to Beacon. I scored a bib through and ran on behalf of Kids First, a Maine co-parenting organization I’ve been taking classes through, to give V the best life moving forward. The race was yesterday and it was a blast. It was a juicy and bright morning and the course was packed with 7,000+ people and incredible energy. I brought my music to listen to at the point when I felt I needed it (a tip given to me before my first and only half marathon) but never brought it out. Folks along the course were pumping music from Cake, Eminem and more. They were waiving signs and shouting out the names on the bibs as people ran by. There was even bacon. It was delicious. The event was exhilarating. I came away from the race with a small blister, a super tight hip flexor and the impatience to sign up for next year's race!
Ok, let's wrap this up, since I've been in the process of writing this for a few months. Life has thrown me a massive curve ball. I could either catch it or get hit by it. Anyone who really knows me will know which will happen.